Random Defense of Ugly Animals #1

I am so sick of hearing how great horses are! “Oh, horses are sooo great!” “I just love horses” “Horses run sooo fast!” “Horses are so pretty” “Don’t turn that horse into glue!” “There better not be any horse meat in this dog food!” Blah blah blah… What about the other members of the horse family? Or have you forgotten about the loyal donkey, the noble mule, or the exotic zebra? What about these black sheep of the equine kingdom?

Let me ask you a question? When it comes time pull a plow, which would you rather have, a horse or a mule? If you said a mule, you’re in luck. If you said horse, you better be asking for two or three buddy, because a mule will out pull a stupid horse any day.

What if you are headed into the heart of the Grand Canyon! Horse or donkey? Again, if you picked the horse, I hope you are also packing a shovel, because you are going to need it when and if you reach the bottom…. To bury your freakin’ horse!

Now I know what you are saying: “Oh, but what about herding cattle?” What about herding cattle? Has there ever been an issue with the cows, outrunning the horses? If the issue is needing an animal that can run fast, why don’t we saddle up an ostridge? And if speed is the only thing that makes a horse superior to other equine, then let me ask you this question Mr. Ed. What are you running from punk? Huh? Because let me tell you something. If someone wants to start some trouble with a mule or a donkey, that mule isn’t going anywhere baby. He is going to stand right there like “Yea that’s right, I am sterile. Do you got somthin’ to say about it?... I didn’t think so.” And donkeys are even worse. A donkey is not afraid of anything but running. Donkeys are the like samurai of the animal kingdom. They would rather die standing then live running.

Last but not least, let’s talk about the rugged zebra. You tell me the last time a horse got attacked by a crocodile, a cheetah, a lion? Any horse still able to walk would be for getting the heck out of Dodge (or Africa in this case). But not the reckless zebra, oh no, they are thrill seekers, they prefer danger to the comfort of the sedentary life.

So just consider that next time you feel like praising some horse like that sell-out “Big Brown”. “Big Brown” my foot! Big Brown Tool is more like it. Run if you must, but you will be running alone.