Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Global Warming?

I have an inconvenient truth for my all my environmentalist friends out there... You are trying to sell this global warming business to the wrong crowd if you are anywhere north of Arizona state line.
I am not so concerned about whether or not people accept global warming as a scientific fact. I think the bigger and more realistic problem is that even if you convince people living in cold climates that global warming is real, they will think it is awesome. When you are finished explaining to these people that their climate is going to get warmer, and that rising sea levels will mostly affect people in California, they are still going to be waiting for the bad news... Allow me to set the scene.
A well educated Ph.D. of some sort is at a town hall meeting, somewhere deep in red-America, doing his best to explaining to the locals about the dangers of global warming. Upon finishing his spirited presentation a hand is raised and the following conversation takes place.

Farmer - "Errrrr..., uhhhh..., was there supposed to be a warning in there somewhere Mr. science man?"
Ph.D. - "Aren't you listening you stupid hick!? I said there would be no more severe winter weather!"
Farmer - "Uh huh."
Ph.D. - "Summer would be like 6 months long!"
Farmer - "Yes sir..."
Ph.D. - "And all those intellectual types living along the coasts, who hate your stinkin' guts, because of your morals and values, would lose their houses!"
Farmer, (now speaking very slowly and carefully enunciating his words) - "I'm with you so far... Now, at what point does the bad stuff start happening?"

They would likely go on like that for hours.

The Ph.D. could also warn them about how their land would become insanely valuable, and how the extra rain would likely turn their entire area in to a tropical paradise, and how the women of that area, would of course become more attractive as the warm summer sun kept their skin golden-brown, all year round, forcing them to wear less, if any clothing at all....

No,... I am sorry Mr. Science man. While all of that sounds perfectly awful to me, I think you will have to come up with a more convincing argument if you expect to get anywhere with these people.