Monday, March 19, 2012

Prison Rich

Sometimes when I look around my house at all the random stuff I have, I think, how much is this worth... in prison? Because I think everything is probably worth more in prison. A lot more. And I'm not just talking about my homemade tattoo gun, or my collection of large nails, with crude handles fashioned out of masking tape.

I first had this idea when I was opening a can of tuna and was thinking about how sharp that can lid was, and how quickly I could cut myself if I weren't careful. "Eeeeasy boy," I thought to myself as I peeled the lid back. But then I thought, what if I were in prison, and had this tuna-can lid?

I'll bet someone would pay good money, or a bunch of smokes, or even a smaller, weaker prisoner for a good, sharp can lid! Then I really started thinking about it in realistic terms. If I had the tuna lid, I could fasten it to the end of a stick or an old tooth brush and make a formidable weapon. Then, I could just take those items from other prisoners, couldn't I? Because, whose going to mess with the guy with the tuna-can lid?

It seems like in that scenario, prison wouldn't be half bad. Unless someone else had thought to smuggle in a tuna-can lid. Or, heaven forbid, one of those giant lids off of a gallon sized can of stewed tomatoes! I guess that guy could pretty much write his own ticket, huh? Dang, I wish I had thought of that first. If only I hadn't gotten so distracted by that stupid tuna can.