Oh Edward!

Recently a new craze has been sweeping the nation, yea, even the world. Many of you are well aware of the craze of which I speak. The dreaded “Teenage Vampire Craze”. Or the, “My wife is in love with a make-believe 17 year-old monster - craze”. Now all of you women out there, please spare me the argument. “Oh, well he only looks like a young boy. Really he is over a 100 years old!” Is that right? Then let me ask you this question. Are you into to boys or dirty old men? Don’t try to explain, just answer the question! Of course I am being facetious, we all know what you see in Edward; You like the fact that he looks like a innocent impressionable bot, yet he has 100 years of experience, satisfying women. Have I struck a nerve? I bet I have. You don’t like me speaking of your precious Edward that way, do you? Do You!?! And don’t waste anyone’s time trying to claim that us men are just jealous. Because we know we're jealous! We are not even trying to deny it! But before you sit back in your chair, in a satisfied, victorious manner, let me propose a scenario that might bring you back to reality.

Imagine one day you are going about you business in the house whistling a merry tune or singing a song you made up about your lust for Edward. “La la la, Oh Edward! Won’t you make me your vampire bride! Won’t you teach me your ways of undead love and then… I would start to fantasize about mortal men. Tra la la - la la…” While you are singing and dancing with an imaginary Edward, you happen across your husband, who is clearly engrossed in a book. Not only that, but he is completely oblivious to your presence and couldn’t care less that you are singing about Edward. So you approach him and ask what he is reading, only to get the following response.

“Oh, it is just a book about this really hot 17 year-old girl. In fact, it is about a whole gaggle of smokin’ hot teenage chicks and the men who lust after them. But the girls only look like teenagers, but really they are immortal, and are secretly like 100. You would like it honey, they are just full of passion and burning desire! Oh, and by the way, I think I am in love with main character, even though she is not real and I am a married adult.”

There, you see! It’s not so harmless when the shoe is on the other foot is it? You just consider that next time you’re trying to explain to your husband why you are infatuated with a minor. Or at least don’t act surprised the next time you catch him checking out high schoolers a the mall.