Mutant Powers

Have you ever watched a show about super heroes like "X Men" and wished you had some sort of super-human, mutant powers. If so I think I have some good news for you my friend.
Everyone has mutant powers. It's true, the problem is just that everybody we know has at least one or two of several basic powers. Like some people might have the mutant power of annoying people to death, but this power is basically useless here, because the same amount of people also have the mutant power of withstanding the really annoying people. By the time we reach annoyance levels that would normally be fatal, the two mutants have exhausted all their powers and canceled each other out. Seriously, mark my words, if they ever find life on other planets the aliens will be freaking out. They will be like, “You mean to tell me the there are people on your planet who talk and talk for hours at a time?” (Because on their planet that is like being able to breath under water or something) Then you’d be like “Oh yea that’s nothing, I’ve got all sorts of mutant powers. Like, I can eat my weight in potato chips in the course of just one of our earth years. I have the power to zone out my wife and 3 kids while I watch ESPN. Yea, it’s like they don’t even exist. Basically I make them disappear. I could go on and on.” Right now there some guy reading this getting all excited that this might really be true. Maybe he is even starting to hope that aliens really will invade. That guy is thinking to himself. “On what planet would a paralyzing fear of rejection be considered a super power?” Relax brother. All of this is just speculation. So do what you can now to move out of your mom’s basement. That’s never going to be a good thing. (Though I guess technically you actually are a mutant.)