My Kid is Such a Liar

Kids are liars. Anybody with children knows its true. And the only reason that we know they are lying because we remember all the lies we told as kids. I mean kids lie constantly, they are always telling lies. Rarely do they say anything that is true. "My tummy is full", "Yes I washed my hands", "I’ll tell you if I’m going to throw up". Lie, lie, lie! Like when your kid looks you straight in the face and explains how it was the family dog that drew anatomically correct stick figures in red crayon on the living-room wall. This may be a lie to you, but not to your child, he probably really believes what he is telling you! In his mind this explanation makes perfect sense. You give this kid a lie detector and he’s going to pass it every time! And really this is a fascinating phenomenon that we’ve yet to fully explain. Science can’t explain it people. The military has been trying for years to crack the "lying-kid code" and tap into its unlimited power.

In fact during WWII our government was working on ways to keep kids in that “child like” state until adult hood, and then turn them into spies and stuff, because it would be impossible to tell whether or not they were lying. This is true, they split all the kids up into groups called like: “Politicians ” “Attorneys” “Sales Persons”, and started honing their lying skills. But then the Cold War ended and the whole program went belly up, and they just cut bait and released these kids back into the general population.

You can imagine it must have been total pandemonium when it all hit the fan. There was one guy shredding documents, another opening the cages and shooing all these A-moral kids out of the building with a broom “Just let them go, just let them go!”. “Move it people, move it!, we’ve got to make it look like this never happened!”. “Hopefully they will just blend in”.

After that they erased the memories of everyone involved. That is why right now there are hundreds of defense lawyers wondering why they get that sad, lonely feeling when they are at the zoo. Their wives ask “What is it honey? Is something wrong?” “I, I don’t know Christine. There’s something about these cages, something familiar… something from a long-long time ago. But never mind that Christine, have I ever told you how I am willing to do anything, and I mean anything, to make a buck. For some reason lying has always come easy to me”.