Monday, October 6, 2008

I Almost Died - Again!

Today, like most other days, I was driving down the road minding my own business, when I noticed a white truck up ahead waiting to pull out. I didn't give it anymore thought until I was ten feet away, when suddenly it started easing out into traffic. I don't really believe in horn-honking, so I just slammed my breaks and got behind the person. As we drove on, I notice that their blinker and their wipers were turning on and off, and that they were swerving back and forth. I decided the person must be high or drunk so I pulled up along side, to get a better look, thinking I might need to call the police. Well, it turns out that the driver was not drunk or high, he was just old.

Now, I understand that this post might be offensive to some people, and that this might be a touchy subject. But frankly, so is dying in a fiery auto accident. (At least for me) I would not even approach this subject if, as the title suggests, it wasn't happening all the time.

At this point I am starting to believe there must be some sort of Gov. cover-up or something, because I seem to be the only person that considers this a problem in our society. And because I am the only one who ever complains about it, I am forced to choose between two unthinkable conclusions.

Scenario #1 - Even though everybody has frequent near-death experiences courtesy of age-ed drivers, the government is working to suppress this information... But why?!?

Scenario #2(I think this one in the most likely) - The elderly have banded together and are deliberately and systematically targeting me, and only me, with these slow moving attempts on my life. Again I ask, "Why?"

I guess the reasons why are essentially irrelevant. What is important is that it is happening people! Fortunately, I am like the one-eyed man in the land of the blind. Try as they might, I always see them coming. "Missed me again grandpa!!!" I yell, shaking my fist out an opened window, as I narrowly escape with my life.

I am writing this as a sort of final will and testament, you know, if something were to happen to me. In the mean time, I am asking for your help. Your silence can't save you. This is not a problem that is going away. Think of your children man! YOUR CHILDREN!!! What will their future be like? Some day the very old will rule this country. And in that day, you will have to look back and say "if only we had listened to Shea". (Rhyming not intended).

2 comments:

  1. Be nice Shea. One day you will be old yourself and the hardest thing to give up is your freedom. My mother is 84 and quit driving about 4 years ago. She still mourns. No car = no freedom

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  2. Either that, or become African in your mindset, and start using your horn. In Africa it is used for just about everything. Hello. Goodbye. How are you doing? I am pulling out on to the road. I am pulling off the road. I ran over your dog. Am sorry to hear your dog died. There are police ahead. There are police behind.

    And as JustMe said. You too will one day be old. Start as you mean to go on. As the poet Jenny Joseph said in her poem "When I am old I shall wear purple", "But maybe I ought to practice a little now".

    Sorry for the long post, especially from someone you don't know ... stumbled across your blog, and had a good giggle!

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