Friday, February 20, 2009

Black Tennis Shoes

Here is your random thought for the week...

What is the deal with solid black tennis shoes? I think you know what I am talking about. Haven't you ever just been talking with someone who is a little off, only to look down and notice that they are wearing solid black tennis shoes, similar to those pictured above? And here is another question. Where the freak do you even get black tennis shoes? I don't ever remember seeing these things for sale. I mean, is there a special black-shoe store somewhere? Or a secret section of the shoe store that I don't know about? Wherever it is, I bet other items sold in that area of the store also include things like: suspenders and ties that look like piano keys,... those weird 50's style hats that mobsters and jazz saxophonists always wear,... (see below) and of course, calculator watches.

P.S. Actually that reminds me... Does anyone know were I can buy a calculator watch?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Rush Delivery Available!

I'm Back Baby! - I have been so swamped with work and school that I had lost all will to laugh, but recently I saw a classic info-mercial demanded my immediate mockery.

Every few months they come out with those new lame music collections that they for "A-Limited- Time-Only!" Like the "Greatest Oldies" collection or "Monsters of Rock" or "Monster Ballads". Now right now some of you are growing a bit uneasy and wondering if I'm going to attack your precious "Ballads", but I won't... I would love to, but I don't have time. For now there is a far more pressing matter that needs to be addressed... The Dance Mix Collection!

There are endless reasons why I would never spend money, or even take money to own one of these CD's, but as I listen to the commercial, explaining why this particular collection is a "Must Have" for any music fan, 2 things really catch my attention:

#1 - At the end of the mercial, there is always this mind-blowing phrase: "Rush Delivery Available!" Rush delivery available? Rush Delivery Available!?!? I want to meet the party-animal that not only spent money on this spectacular collection, but then took it one step further and actually had that bad boy rushed to his door. -Allow me to set the stage - A college sophomore, age 27, wearing a purple headband with sequins, eating puffed, generic Cheetos, sitting indian style on the living room floor. The commercial comes on and without breaking his gaze on the screen says "Mom, hand me that phone". I guess when you gotta dance, you gotta dance!

#2 - Another subtle clue as to the type of people buying these CD's is this statement, "Send cash, check or money order to....... First of all, if you still do not own a credit card or a bank card, it is seriously past time to unhitch the wagon, get some indoor plumbing and live in the now! Secondly, if your financial situation is crappy enough to necessitate using a money order to buy a 10 dollar CD! Chances are you shouldn't be buying the Dance Mix Collection. Yet ironically, it is likely your irrational love of useless crap that landed you in this predicament in the first place. But even as you are reading this, your heart you are already there, preparing to dance.

I think legendary dance band "The Real McCoy" put it best when they penned the imortal phrase: "Rhythm-rhythm... Rhythm-rhythm... Rhythm is a dancer. It's a soul's companion. You can feel it everywhere! But lift your handsome voices, free your mind and join us! You can feel it in the air. Ohhh...!!!"